BABY I KNOW..

No one is going to love me better
No one is going to treat me better
No one is going to make me feel better
No one is going to support me better
No one is going to make me happier than you do
No one can make my heart beat the way you do
No one can get me excited to see you daily as much as you do
No one has ever made me feel there isn't enought time in the day to be with you
No one has been the first thought in my mind in the morning
No one has been the last thought before I go to bed
No one has made me smile in my dreams
No one has made me feel sad when your sad
No one has made me more proud to see your true smile
No one has ever made me feel scared to hurt someone (you)
No one has ever made me feel so scared to loose someone, like you
No one will stand by me as much as you do
No one will spoil me as much as you do
No one will put up through my bs as much as you do
No one will deal with my moodswings and attitudes the way you do
No one will ever get me the way you do
No one will understand me better
No one will touch me better
No one will be as patient as you are to me
No one will be closer to my family than you are
No one will ever make me cry as much as you do
No one will ever make me care as much as I do
No one will ever care about me as much as you do
No one will ever sleep as much as I do than you
No one will ever want the same wants I have as much as you do
No one will ever protect me the way you do
No one will ever drive me around as much as you do
No one will ever try as hard as you do
No one will ever not give up on me like you don't
No one can ever replace you
No one can be like you
No one will ever be like you

BUT YOU, CHAD MICHAEL PAPA! YOU! YOU! AND ONLY YOU!

your gorgeous, beautiful self and your love is better than anything in my knowledge.
I know this is new to us.. yknow real love. It isn't easy, hardest we've ever faced
but Baby, I want nothing but you, anything with you, and everything about you.

dang i know..

i know im a big asshole baby and sometimes we look at the negative sometimes more than the positive... we'll get there :) i love you and always will be with you no matter what!

where did i go wrong?

so reallly tell me, did i really make myself look that bad to you? is my judgement on people really that bad? is there really no way you can stop being the way you are just because of simple shit that doesn't even matter to me? is this how it's really gonna be for good? i walk away, you walk away, we come back. then the cycle starts all over agains.. i thought we said it is always better when were together, but where are you now? i'm here, you're there, so what now? please tell me where i went wrong, so atleast i know and i don't sit here cluelessly, always wondering how i made myself look, the way you look at me.

oh i guess that's another thing we have in common;

NEGATIVE > POSITIVE.

on the brightside, it came sooner than i expected.

might as well

put it here too since i put it on myspace, facebook and twitter already:)

just can't get over how cute it is! superrrrrrrrduperadorable!!!

-They never fail to make my day;

anyday, alllday, errrday♥

macbook lovin

after many years of wanting one, my boyfriend continues to make me dreams come true:) thankyou so much baby! yay macbook! so funnnn!!! and sleeeeepover!

Love my life!<3

i wish i can be better

at being myself.

so life update; foreals, i think i'm failing at being me.
life's good, i'm thankful blessed yadada but for some reason i feel as if there something that makes me incomplete and making me suck at being me. confusing much? yeah join my club:(

&one word i need to take out of my dictionary is selfish.
but i just don't know how. sometimes i just feel like giving up but i KNOW that'll do no good to anyone. pleaseGod, help me, light my way!

it's not that i miss the old you, it's that i miss the old me, the real me. i'm sorry for all my shortcomings lately.. hope to be a better someone for you before you realize i am doing you no good..



ps.i'msorry couldn't admit i was sad bcos i know that'll lead up to you asking why and honestly, i don't know why.. i really wish i did though.

i'm over college dorming

nothin'wrong with it, i love it love my roommates love the community meetin new people on the daily &great experience yadada
but fuck i miss home too much. homesickness, pls. go away :(

i fuckin miss my bestfriends

<< ridge's departure, tears fallllin down our faces :(

this is the last week of summer, fuck went by so faaast! college officially starts next week, i move outta my casa and moves in my apt with 3 diffferent girls that I never met in my liiiife, not like highschool with copying, cheating, and mine and ridgey's retarded asses always asking michael for help, no comfort zones, no asb class to relax in or to chill when we all ditch class, no michael&ridge in 99% of my classes next to em always talking never paying attention, or always givin me thaangs I missed which was like 95% of HS, never doing homework and or anything for that matters but came outtta HS with a fuckin 3.6gpa, no going off campus to get lunch tryna sneak giant ass ridge in the trunk, nomore free lollicups, bww every damn tuesday, not having my own parking with my name my own designs and shit that don't need to be on parking block, nomore setting up games dances &rallies, and nomore stupidass highschool bullshit! not gonlie i'm scared shitless. i think i'm actuallly missing highschool, well not reallly just the people i actually cared for. errthang's going by so fast! we're all growing up, departing and going our own ways, it's reallly depressing me. never hit me like this even at graduation but why now? why tonight? maybe because it's my orientation tomorrow early morning. i should really be sleeeping but why can't i? my mind is too filled with many things that i don't know what to feel.. but one thing i know forsure is that i need me some of MY gayboyslovin! (:

michael, i'm sorrrry i've been so caught up in my own life that i haven't even stepped a foot in your new apartment, i'll make it up to yaaa and callll it selfish i dgaf but we need Ridge here way more than newjersey does :((( newjersey better be ready for me and mickey to come up there hm winterbreak? yessssssssssplease!

andddddddddd now as the noble09ers start college, i wish goodluck to everyone. kill in college just like we madddaefffing killled at nogales. best class, you know it!!! i can't wait for our 10year reunion and see/hear everyone's success. i miss you all! always be safe, go to class, be on time, and don't do stupid asss shieeet :)

as for me, i think i have a good enough mind set and matured enough to success in college. hopefullly cos of that, i am ready for college. if that even made sense. i'll go through it like i go through everything, day by day. i know mosdef that it won't be easy, but there is always help if i'm not too stubborn to ask. at this point of my life, i am super excited filled with fear. idk what else, i guess we'll have to see!
note to self: do not hesitate to ask for help.

already 3am? and i neeed to be at CSUN before 8am &it supposedly doesn't end til 6pm. what thaaaa hails are we gonna do for 10hours? and the drive to CSUN is alrdy getting annoying cos of traffffic. i hate 101 freeway! so needa leave my house super eaarly, ugh i already know it's gonna be a looong ass day tomorrow but don't get me wrong i'm sorta excited for it but i'm just wayyy more excited to get boilingcrab after it with michael, his boy?, my boyfriend, and whoever else. pray it ends early (:


ps. wow, blogging just lifted 10lbs off my chest <3

babylove;

-I want to be there to bless you after every sneeze
-Have my firsts and all my last withyouu
-Going to Church with me, never thought I'd find that
-You marvel up my strength
-Always getting along with family, just the way I always imagined
-Makin my past and to now, not even comparable
-You soothe me more than when I close my eyes to feel the breeze
-Kisses that takes my breath away
-I'm sorry for disrespecting you, to me you're a delicacy
-So addicting, but can't find you in any pharmacy
-Always letting me be, don't change yourself
-Defines perfect in my dictionary
-ALL, as wellll
-Holds me when I need it, gives me space when I want it; know I'll do the same for you
-Never had anybody to open the door for me
-Sitttin on your lap allday errday, not around parentals ofcourse (:
-Making me laugh no doubt, makin me cry only to realize I love you more
-Fights, arguments, bickering to show our selfishness of just wantin each other
-Perfect make up moments, laughing how cute we are when we fight
-Crazy down for errrthang, my partner in crime
-My face slapper, reality check baby bitch typa love
-More comfortable around each other than ikea's futons! lame, i know
-My arm rest to always lean on
-Driver cause my ass is always sleeepy
-Always spoiling me
-All that I want and will ever want/need

Chad Michael Papa, my bestfriend and my boyfriend, I love everything about us. With the many changes in life happening, wouldn't want anything between us to change. I love you baby, please be mine forever.

Time's Passsing By;

Only alil less than a month til Summer's over
I'm not reeeeeady for colllege yet :(

LET GO

and LET GOD <3

Sometimesssss

I just can't help but be soooooooooooooooo
in love with
Chad Michael Papa

$UMMERLOVIN'!

GRADNITE; GOODTIMES. I LOVE MY BESTFRIENDS!
GRADUATED; FEELS AMAZING (: I LOVE C/O2009.
OBEYSALE; GOOD WAY TO START OFF SUMMAH
DISNEYLAND!!! stupid blockout dates tho!
RISE; better than last one <3
OUR FATASSS EATING OUT DAYS! HAH
CHADS BDAY WEEK - hope he's happy (: turned out better than I expected!

Idk what else but I just know summer's been so good to me. I love love love Summmmmer! with no school, no work, got nothaaaaaang to do but chill. Best Summmmmer Ever wriitten all over it <3333





P.S. LETSSSSS GO CAMPINGGGGG!

P.S.2. HAWAIIIII WAS FUCKING AMAZINGGG!

Too much in my head, can't think.

Man it's too early. I'm here at sbux at the village sitting and thinking. Damn I haven't blog in quite some time. So much in my head. Up so early in plans of tryna apologize in a cute lil way but whatevs I pussied out. So much are happening all out once, I think it's not what I am expecting. I'm feelings mixed emotions that it's confusing myself. And having my monthly friend ain't helping one bit either. So i'm really sad but yet happy and excited. Scared as fxck! Nervous and all the possible emotion anyone can feel I guess. I just finished replying to my soon to be roommate before I started blogging and she seems cool. Her emailing just made college seem real to me. She's prolly like wtf crazy girl emailing me 6in the morning. But I'll just have to wait and see how that'll be I guess.
I'm just blabbing and I don't like it. So I'm just gon try to edit this later when I'm a bit more sane.

One thing though,
I'm sorry Chad Michael Papa;
I know last night was unnecessary :(
I love you and missssyou baby.

And today;
Graduation practice @7:30am
Senior Luncheon after
BWW, hopefully.
Senior Memory Night @7pm

Kbye, just hoping for my day to get better. <3

View from Our Room (:

4am wakeup call;

Mm boyfriend wakes me up at freakin 4am telling me we are leaving to Hawaii today! Ever since when we always thought we're leaving on Thursday. I was like wtf, I still needed to do laundry and I planned to pack tonight. But fxck it, got up and did laundry. Went to school late but yay I finished packing. Now I'm in class, can't even focus, too damn xciteddddd (: I'm lazy but here's a liiiiiiist of random upates;

-my cousin from PI is finalllly here :) makes me happy cos I've missed her!
-took Placement test Saturday, glad that's over with
-Sunday; craziest night, nuff said! Hah
-sixflags on Monday was supah funnns
-Prom2009 is this saturday, have fun seniors
-michael&ridge; havfun @prom w.o me! Aw, gradnite it's going dowwwn :)
-helllllllo, new job! Speedzone, here I come. Hah
-perfect timing cos I'm broke a$$ fckkkk
-I hate that Kristian picks Chad over me now :(
-excited for upcoming trips for my cousin; SF & Las Vegas!
-quarter grades are in; 4 A's &a C on College Algebra
-GradNite :)
-& yay 5moreweeks til Graduation<3
-Summmmahtime, can't wait!!!

Mk bell raaang, I'm dunzo!
2moreclasses, a shuttle ride to LAX, 4hr.flight til Hawaii :D
Kbye kidddddddds

TGIF;

Finallly, the weekend is here!
So fxckkk tha bullshit -___-

Hellllllo, Boyfriend!

1am on 21st of April2009 (:
Chad Michael Papa, you're miiine
AND ONLY MiiiiiiiiiiiNE ♥♥♥

it's beeen awhile

.. that I’ve had a weekend like this. Family weekend, that is. Saturday was my Lola’s birthday. Happy birthday again, Lola Baby! I love and miss you dearly.. continue to RIP<3 It was truly heart warming to see my family all together again cos it has surely been awhile for us to be complete at family gatherings due to our own daily busy lives. It felt good to be reunited and now, caught up with each other. &Today was mfckinn cute! Chad Papa decided to join us for church and after had lunch at Coconut Bay. It was just unbelievable to see how much my baby brother loves him. Considering he’s the shy-est baby around new faces. It also has been awhile since I’ve eaten out with my family, with no one missing. I love seeing progress in things that means a lot to me. I love that I am able to include the guy I care most about to my family stuff especially Church. It really meant a lot that he was able to let go of his fear being around my family, parentals to be specific hah and for him to be perfectly fiiiiiiine and accepted (: It was amazing to stop and see how much my family has changed and mosdef for the better. With more open-minds, better communication and more understanding, everyone is simply happier than ever. I love looove LOVE it!

Soooo byebye, SpringBreak :( I swear this has been the chilllllest break ever. Mm, BestFriends, Chilllllin, Beach, Movies, Buffalo Wild Wings, Boiling Crab, Le Creperie, Cerritos, Long Beach, Signal Hill, Sleepovers, &hm, anything else?! hah Nothing spectacular, but I had a greeeeeeeat one, that’s for suuuuure.

Oh man, Life is too good! Couldn't be anymore blessed and thankful<3

Where my Altima at?

Yeah, I’m carless so I’m blogging! haha First day of Spring Break and my momma’s car is broken so she borrowed miiiine. Justttt on my bed with my baby brother playing Taptap on my foone;

Fourth month of 2009 and it’s been helllllla fxcking good (:
So much to say, I don’t even know where to start! I guess errrthang’s been just dandy. Everyday I am just experiencing new things. Everything just feels good because I feel like after coming back from the Philippines on New Years, it was all a fresh start. Being away for like almost 6 weeks was a good get away, spending time with fambam I haven’t seen in almost 9 years and just relaxing being on vacation had nothing to worry about did great thaangs for me. Now as I look back in the last 4 months of this new year, I am where I want to be. I’m proud of the person who I have grown up to be. Oh, but ofcourse so much more to learn..

Life is life but not gonnnn’lie I got nothing in mind but wanting to graduate already! School’s been so annoying lately. Every senior at Nogales talks about nothing but getting out of there, everytime I hear that, it makes me wonder was high school that bad? Cos it sure wasn’t for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m with everybody wanting to graduate already and for summer to come but I mean there’s 39 more days after spring break. And as I continue my countdown in my head it gets me so scared to look into what’s stored for me in the future. Hm, well all I know right now is hellllo CSUN in the fall living in an on campus apartment. Hope that goes well -_- but whatevs I try not to stress over that just yet and dealing with everything day by day.

Just in general:
Family’s guhhhhhreat. Church is amazing. Friends well, it’s true what they say, as we grow up, you realize you don’t need so many people in our lives. As time goes by, you realize who your real friends are and who will stay by your side. I love my bitches and you guys know who you are <3 &that’s that. Lovelife, I’m lovinnnnnnn = CMPP haha youknowwwwwww. Maybe if I feel like being cute one day, I’ll write about that lame boy (:

Wellllllll, I think that’s enough for today. A somewhat major update! Hm, maybe I’ll head to the gym and loose some caloriesssssssss hahh, kbye!

I’ll leave whoever reads this with just a litttle something;

"You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret. People change, things go wrong, but just remember life goes on."

P.S. ALREEEEEADY IN CORONA (;


Love, klarissssssaL.